Walking into class on that first day was a whirlwind of emotions, my stomach was swooshing around like a washing machine and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I spotted an empty seat and made my way towards it.
“Hi, I’m Gill. I just joined the course today. Can I sit here?” I asked, my voice a little unsteady, betraying my nerves.
A twenty-something replied: “You can, but these desks are for MA Sports. If you’re MA Journalism, you probably want to sit over there.”
Taking another deep breath to steady myself, I picked up my bag, crossed the room, and introduced myself to my new cohort.
The journey to this point was not straightforward. For many years I had said I needed a change. I felt exhausted and no longer enjoyed corporate life like I used to. I wanted to step away but could never quite muster the courage to make the leap.
One day I spotted a Facebook post by a friend in Australia. She had just completed a Masters degree at the age of 51. I started to wonder if I could achieve something like that and then, little by little, I began picturing a different life for myself. I even knew exactly what I would study, and it was what I always wanted to do. Over the next weeks the same thought kept coming back to me. What if?
To make it happen, I needed a plan!
Armed with a spreadsheet, I sat down with my husband to go over the numbers. He listened quietly for 30 minutes whilst I waffled through the financial forecast I had so carefully constructed. When finished, he laughed: “You don’t need to convince me, I know it’s a good idea. You need to convince yourself”.
No more delays. That evening, I applied for the Masters in Journalism course at Edinburgh Napier University.
Studying at any age is a challenge, but it definitely feels tougher now that I am older. The Journalism course is only one year long, and there’s so much to absorb in that short space of time. Academic essays, Harvard referencing, media law, ethics, radio, TV, magazine, podcasting, social media production and, of course, writing.
There are days when I think I’ll never keep up but then I surprise myself with what I manage to achieve. I remind myself almost daily, “I can do this!”. I have a renewed appetite for learning and, so far, I have passed my assessments convincingly. It’s taken hard work, effort, and a lot of practice, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.
Unsurprisingly, I’m the oldest person in the class, by over 20 years, but my peers do their best to make me feel included. I sometimes miss having someone my own age to chat to, but that’s usually remedied by a five-minute natter with one of the lecturers or an evening catch-up with my husband or friends.
Going back to study and learning alongside younger people has reminded me of who I used to be, back when I looked ahead in wonder at what the future might hold and was led by my imagination. I feel like that again now and I’m enjoying being in this moment.
Becoming a student again has given me a lightness that my career threatened to take away. I’m genuinely happy and laugh more effortlessly than I have in years.
I even go out for the occasional beer with my classmates – usually just the one so I don’t cramp their style. I enjoy their company and I am learning from them. Maybe they are learning from me too?
The outside might be a little worn, but inside I’m 25 again, curious and eager to learn.
My mind is open to new ideas, and I’m excited to be growing as a person. I’m looking forward to whatever lies ahead, and to my new career in journalism.
I may not yet know exactly where this course will take me, but what I do know is this: I finally feel like myself again.
